Posted tagged ‘internet’

Top Ten Beatles Samples (C.A.T.T.L.E.)

November 22, 2010

Hey Beatles, welcome to the internet! (Photo courtesy DatGif)

Welcome to another installment of Chaz’s Arbitrary Top Ten List Extravaganza. With the recent major Apple announcement that iPhones will now dispence Pez the remastered Beatles catalog will now be available on iTunes, an internet Meme was launched getting everyone to post their favorite Beatles songs. Since I don’t want to just give you my list of the greatest songs about going up-and-down slides ever written, I’m instead going to cover those who’ve sampled/channeled/interpolated the Fab 4. I’m probably saving myself a series of angry comments by stating off the bat that I’m NOT including mash-ups. Yes, I know Danger Mouse blahblahblah but you should be listening to his album with Jemini anyway*. Also, I don’t want the now hyperactive retroactive sample patrol to retroactively go after these artists, so I’m going to keep my comments limited to just these opening paragraphs.

The main reason I’m doing this is to look cool because everybody knows the person who can identify the most samples in a rap song is clearly the coolest guy at any party because I think a lot of my generation who grew up with the Beatles’ music limited to awful sounding CD versions and mediocre covers of the bulk of their material in commercials and movies permeating our subconscious, have been given a faint, and frankly false, familiarity with not only their catalog but how much their influence means to pop culture. Their presence in the homes of the artists listed below, the first post-Beatles generation, cannot be denied. From chopping melodies they liked to merely singing a bar or two in their verses, they have a touchstone that can’t help but resonate in every listener. Even when the concepts seem silly, their efforts are inadvertently a by-product of Beatle-mania. So now in 2010 when some find it hip to not merely dislike the Beatles, but treat them with apathy, these unfortunate souls don’t realize how much they appreciate the group without even knowing it.

That in mind, here’s my Top Ten Beatles Visibly Influenced Songs**

Poison Clan – “Jeri Curl”

MF Doom – “Tick Tick”

Brother Ali – “Live From the Chippy Bun Club”

Ghostface Killah – “My Guitar”

Boogie Down Production – “Criminal Minded”

3rd Bass – “3 Strikes 5000” (Vocal Version)

A Tribe Called Quest – “Luck of Lucien”

Organized Konfusion – “Stress”

Doug E. Fresh & Slick Rick – “The Show”

Beastie Boys – “Sounds of Science”

*I’m also not going to be including that Kanye West-produced Talib Kweli song because it sucks.

**Didn’t seem catchy enough for a headline. To quote the Beatles of my generation, “we’re not sorry that we tricked you.”

Tay Zonday’s Top Ten Moments: Volume 2 – Tay Harder (C.A.T.T.L.E.)

July 22, 2010

**we move away from the mic forever and ever.

Tay Zonday Week here continues with the Top Five lesser-known item in the Tay-ography. Consider these his Diet Chocolate Rain. Zondaylight has broken, so let’s get right to the Taypole!

That isn't manna you're tapping...

5 ) Start Me Up
(Sorry, Metacafe won’t embed. More like Lamecafe, amirite?)
After the tremendous success of ZonDay, YouTube tried its hand at honoring other important musical icons by designating April 4th, 2008 as “Rolling Stones Day.” They invited the site’s biggest stars to cover their favorite Stones songs, the most popular being Tay’s cover of “Start Me Up.” With the industrial vocal effects turning his trademark deep voice into a robotic growl, Tay’s muppet-esqe dance moves and proper prop use are only upstaged by hearing him snarl “you make a dead man come.”

4 ) Musicolio

The most recent addition to this list is “Musicolio,” a return to form for ‘Tay-bone.’ Having no real formal training in any style of music, what made much of his early work so endearing is how he would try his hand at countless genres at once, often sounding like the collective blaring radios of a ten-car pileup. “Musicolio” recaptures that ambitiousness while spotlighting the Stick Stickly-swagger of his live performances.

3 ) Never Gonna Give You Up

Many attribute Tay’s status as the internet’s ultimate trump card to how heavily he was shuffled into our decks by sites like 4Chan and Encyclopedia Dramatica. As an acknowledgement of those who helped bring him to the dance, Tay stuck his Chocolate Reign into Rick Astley’s peanut butter resulting in hot meme-on-meme action!

2 ) The Only Way

Debuting at the peak of his popularity, “The Only Way” was removed within weeks after Tay suddenly became self-conscious over it “sounding too much like a brag track.” While there’s still a message or two in the lyrics, you can tell Tay really thought/knew he was the biggest star in the world. “Staccato mulatto, everyday a new motto” indeed.

1 ) Get It Back (Turbotax Rap)

Prior to “Chocolate Rain,” Tay was a runner-up in a Vanilla Ice judged songwriting contest for popular finance software TurboTax. Eating ketchup to save for a “Hummey” never sounded so good.

We give Tay Zonday a Five Out of Five.

So until next time…let’s agree to agree!

Tay Zonday’s Top Ten Moments VOLUME 1 (C.A.T.T.L.E.)

July 20, 2010

I can offer a firsthand account that he does indeed move away from the mic to breathe.

It’s time for our first ever cliffhanger post here at Popular Opinions. Instead of giving you a straight forward top ten list in this installment of Chaz’s Arbitrary Top Ten List Extravaganza, we’re dividing this into two separate entries and there’s a lot to say and we need some room to breathe. In observation of the upcoming holiday, we’re devoting this week to Tay Zonday. Yes, your forecast calls for “Chocolate Rain!”

Every medium of popular media has their sacred day celebrating a landmark work that became the new standard for all that followed. Just as literary enthusiasts honor June 14th as ‘Bloomsday’ in observation of James Joyce’s masterpiece Ulysseus, the YouTube generation marks July 26th on our calendar as ZonDay. Yes, it is the feast day of the internet’s patron saint Tay Zonday where the information superhighway is covered in chocolate rain. Three years after YouTube itself inaugurated the holiday by showcasing the man’s finest work on their homepage, let’s take a look back on the web’s Tay-stiest Moments.

For those who were outside the country for the summer of 2007, allow me to reintroduce Tay Zonday, the ultimate purpose that the internet was meant to serve. Back in April of that year, he was mild-mannered University of Minnesota PhD student Adam Bahner. Frustrated with his American Studies program, he took to the internet with a performance of his original composition “Chocolate Rain.” Within three months, the video went viral and was soon being covered by everyone from Green Day’s Tre Cool to “David Duke dick” dispatcher John Mayer. At that time, Tay became the closest thing the internet had to a crossover-star as his web presence

But why, you ask, out of the dozens of videos that get uploaded did this one become the talk of the internet? The answer, quite frankly, is because Tay gave us so much to talk about. From the lighting who color can only be described as “Oriental Snuff Film #11,” to the iMovie infotainment inscriptions, the visual aesthetics command the viewer’s attention like a dorm room front-desk drunk. Then, from the body of Isaac comes the voice of God. With the appearance of an anorexic androgynous adolescent, no-one could have anticipated Tay’s actual voice to be deeper than Atlantis. Soon after he beings, we’re alerted his quick headturns are so he can “move away from the mic to breathe.” Not since Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree has one character of popular media provided so much.

So today as the Tay Stars (the actual nom de nerd for Zonday’s Juggalos) band together with their brethren in boisterous ballyhoo of their baritone baron, I’d advise you to test yourself for Tay Fever by seeing how you react to the enter-Tay-ment I’ve Tay-lored based on actual Tay-stimonials. Let’s Tay-ke a look!

5 ) Chocolate Rain (8-Bit Remix)

We’re starting first with a fan creation that defines the mysterious mythological aspects of Tay’s breakout that instantly relegated him to legendary status. While the summer of 2007 had us all stranded in a sea of RickRolls, the University of Minnesota PhD student parted the ocean like the Moses of Memes and then split the internet’s collective atom, moving away from the mic to blow your mind.

4 ) Cherry Chocolate Rain

Say what you will about the internet memes that existed B.T. (Before Tay) but remember that any debate ends when you consider how many of them had Dr. Pepper flavors created in their honor. In November 2007, the only soda pop legally allowed to practice medicine gave Zonday a budget and his very own Tay-based baptismal fluid, making the best argument yet for there being a future in using the internet to advertise goods and services.

3 ) Chocolate Rain (Kimmel Performance)

There are few spectacles as awkward as when the internet and the real world collide. As Jimmy Kimmel’s pick for song of the summer, he extended an invitation for Tay to bless the terrestrial airwaves as part of his Internet Talent Showcase. On August 7th, 2007, Tay performed half of “Chocolate Rain” to arguably the most confused crowd in late night history. The diverse grimacing reaction shots and futile attempt to clap along truly captured the puzzling party that was the summer of Tay in one glorious clip.

2 ) Internet Dream

First appearing on the inaugural ZonDay, “Internet Dream” displays the man’s ‘Tay-chnique’ fully coming into its own. With his militant marching performance turning the song into something of an anthem, Tay explores his own internet addiction and parallels it with his Mother’s struggles with technology and the private shame of social media. Truly, “this internet is something else.”

1 ) Chocolate Rain (original)

The one that started it all. Not unlike Dolly Parton’s “Jolene,” it’s a vulnerable ballsy first single that defines high-risk high-reward. An infectiously memorable five minute indictment of institutionalized racism complete with an innovative breathing technique and a promotion of Creative Commons licensing, “Chocolate Rain” remains the ultimate realization of everything the internet can and should be.

TO BE CONTINUED…with some of Tay’s lesser known gems.

Until then…let’s agree to agree!


April 14, 2010

Here we go again!

This is the second entry in a new series here at Popular Opinions called My Favorite Nutzoids where I will be covering the goofballs, wackos and weirdies that make the internet such a wonderful place. If you missed the first one on famed psychic gas bag Sylvia Browne, you can find it HERE.

Kenneth Eng - NUTZOID!

The party continues with a doozy of a lug-nut in Kenneth Eng. A fellow former NYUnicorn, Eng left the school a few years ago citing ‘racism’ which is odd as he, by all accounts, isn’t a slam poet. Eng then rose to national attention in 2007 when, in a local newspaper out in San Francisco (roughly translated: Saint Frank) he published an article called “Why I Hate Blacks.” Along with being an awful writer, Kenneth revealed himself to be a racist. With Popular Opinions taking a very bold anti-racism stance*, I’m happy to report that there’s plenty more to ostracize this bungler about that makes his being a huge bigot seem almost charming.

Here’s a clip of him being outclassed by well hung Fox News eye-candy John “Big Meat” Gibson:

I love how at 1:40 when Eng states cyborg dragons logically follow evolution which allows them to wield metal, Gibson says “Right” as if to say “of course, we agree on this much.”

This incident is where most profiles of the man begin and end. People get an email, do a youtube search, laugh, and then return to their everyday lives. Luckily, the goober captured my heart to the point where I couldn’t just let him go. Thus, I give you the definitive rundown on this bonehead.

Clearly this is the work of a perfectly sane, well-adjusted individual.

Most recent goings on with the man can be found at the internet’s most valuable reliable resource Encyclopedia Dramatica. There you will find convincing proof that he is not only a racist and an awful writer, but a furry and a no-good-nick with some temper-centric anger-related issues.


Since Eng was once a part of the NYUterus, I have tremendous access to firsthand accounts of his zany hijinks. In an anonymous letter sent to my Facebook account, here is the REAL reason Eng had to leave NYU. This isn’t me being ‘silly Chaz,’ I have every reason to believe that this story is real:

“By the time Ken was a Junior, he seemed clearly disturbed. Any criticism coming from teachers would immediately be refuted, since Kenneth preached that his only teacher came from within his soul. [his teacher] made a little note about his 300 page script on dragon riders/warriors, and Ken flipped out on him in front of the class.

It was either Junior or Senior year that Kenneth got waitlisted for a class he was really excited about. As a result, Kenneth called Film & TV dean [Mr. Dean], at 4 in the morning, and told him he would rape and kill his daughter. He continued to call through the night and day, until cops traced the line back to Ken. In an act of diplomacy, Kenneth chose to resign (or quit school) before he got kicked out. No charges were pressed (other than a restraining order from [Mr. Dean]’s whole family). Then he started working for that Asian American newspaper on the westcoast and the rest, i guess, is history.

His name arose in class after Cho seung Hui’s rampage after [his teacher] was struck by the similarities.”

So there you have it! Kenneth Eng is a Nutzoid!

Until next time… Let’s Agree to Agree!

*Always hated it, I can recall moments from my youth when the older cool kids would roll up on their big wheels and say ‘Hey Chaz, want to come be racist?’ to which I responded ‘No man, racism is wack and you gotta attack the wack. Ya dig?’


February 8, 2010

Hey Mr. Post-Modern!

As you’ve probably noticed, I’m an MC or “rapper.” Being a rapper, I do rap things such as rhyme over a beat, keep rhythm, move the crowd, cold rock a party etc. However, there are plenty of rap things I don’t do such as watch the movie Scarface every weekend, wear clothing covered with images from the movie Scarface, take a time machine to a 1998 Sam Goody location and purchase every single one of their posters from the movie Scarface, etc. These differences are slight and while they don’t define me or those that do, I bring them up cause who I’m talkin’ about y’all, is Hip-Hop to make the point that we are aware certain practices are prevalent but some of us just don’t do them.

That ain't me, babe.

Case in point – internet spamming. While some are super fearful of Jay-Z’s rumored illuminati ties, non-reptilian rappers have proven time and time again that they can be just as dangerous annoying on their own. Look at how it took a nation of nobodies to ruin MySpace. Scary, eh? While the internet is a necessary and awesome evil that we have to use in order to keep the wheels on our career-mobile rollin’, I think the blog/Facebook event with one or two reminders/email list/Twitter sequence or any combination thereof is sufficient. But even then, they should be practiced with extreme moderation. I keep two* active email addresses, one for my personal life and one for the rap world that I give out on those ‘please sign my spam list’ or ‘let’s collaborate’ opportunities. I really don’t mind when they hit the latter, as that’s the reason I set-up that account, but believe my surprise when THIS ended up in the former. NOTE: This is a complete copy-pasta exactly how it appeared in my electronic mail box:

Rai Knight – Mr. Postman – (feat. Oseeola)

Free MP3
In our lives, there are times, where what we want to say are just to hard to say. Mostly, we find those times when we are deeply in love and fear that are sentiments are not shared, sometimes it is much easier to put it on paper! Soldiers overseas, their spouses, in many cases, can only communicate via letter and with love there are never enough words to say how you truly feel, but to say some

thing is better than saying nothing.

In “Mr. Postman” Rai Knight and Oseeola take the opportunity to thank whatever medium which allows itself to be the carrier of “I love you”; facebook, twitter, or mail. The story is simple, sometimes we just all to need to know how much we are cared for. Simply, just say it!

Wow. My initial reaction was along the lines of “how the H*ll did this get sent out to presumably thousands of emails, most likely from a paid email blast company, without some semblance of a spell check?” I closed the email, took a shower, played some Rock Band, microwaved some leftover Taco Bell** and couldn’t shake that text out of my head. As someone who reads dozen of press releases a day and writes tens of them a year, how on Urth did that get green-lit?

Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I began googling every person in the email, each name pointed back to the same “release” until I stumbled on the first site that featured it right here:

What the H*ll is this? The fluxuating-minimalist production, absurd stream-of-conscious lyrics (“I would be your Huckleberry / I would be your Merrie Melody too”) and genuine weirdness is only emphasized by how professional it sounds. I can’t tell if I like the song or not, but it is an oddly effective snapshot of modern internet-based flirtation. The “PS” at the end of the second verse gives the whole song a weird full-circle vibe, as if it’s the Bratz doll b-side to the spectacular Google Super Bowl ad.

It took six listens for me to realize how much more effective and memorable this atrocious press release was than a forgettable passable one. I’ve given this song that I can’t even determine my opinion on (that is starting to grow on me) from someone I’ve never heard before a much more intent listen than anything else in quite some time. Rai Knight, I raise my glass to you. Thank you for giving me a lemon that I’ve turned into a Tim O’Brien Lemon Tree.

We give this SPAM a Five Out of Five

Until next time…Let’s Agree to Agree!

*RE: OK, five. I have five email accounts. You happy?

**When I refer to “livin’ the life,” I usually mean this.