2011 was more than just the year I finally caved in and signed up for Friendster. It was also the year I got booted off Friendster in three months for not having any friends. But all was not lost for technology as Twitter proved once again why it’s up there with rap music and Slim Jims among the greatest anythings ever. Speaking of Slim Jims, I also won a Slim Jim prize pack via Twitter this year, so along with constant updates from awesome people, I protected myself from spiceloss AND upgraded my gear.
So grab yourself a @SlimJim , an outstanding Twitter account in its own right, and snap into the latest entry in Chaz’s Arbitrary Top Ten List Extravaganza as we look at the best Twitter had to offer in 2011!
10) Todd Barry
Kicking off out list we have comedian Todd Barry. While we all eagerly anticipated the new season of “Delocated” (which premieres this Thursday) all year, those of us following Barry got to see an absolute master of the medium give his takes on Trending Topics (which is would always announce his participation in first) as well as great observations in 140 characters or less.
9) Viva VHS
Another cool aspect about Twitter is what a great resource it is for absolute experts. VivaVHS is a diehard video collector who boasts an absolute jaw-dropping collection of tapes. Instead of just being one of those collectors who never shares the wealth, VivaVHS instead actually watches the movies, both obscure and beloved, giving enjoyable observations as well as taking us down memory lane one tweet at a time. The best time to be following Viva VHS is around the holidays when the movie marathons kick into high gear. It’s one Twitter page worth rewinding.
8) Friend from High School
A scathing indictment of that one person we all begrudgingly have in our social media feeds, Friend from High School is that person you never talked to much at all over those four years who now has a domineering presence in your life. This year Friend from High School got pregnant and the tweets were solid gold. Come election time, this is absolutely going to be one to watch.
7) Colin Quinn
It’s amazing how many people will go out of there way to follow Colin Quinn, presumably because they’re familiar with his work, and then flip out in anger at the magic he generates on a daily basis. Twitter’s greatest troll, from fake accusations of plagiarism to testing out award show material, Quinn’s got Twitter locked down. He also spawned my favorite hashtag this year #ItsDigiornoTime
6) Sylis P. Barnaby
SylisP is absolutely hilarious. You may have never heard of him, but I defy you to click on that above link and not find something within his first five tweets worth retweeting. A perpetual jokester who isn’t afraid to make your comments funnier while live-tweeting CBS’s “Two Broke Girls,” I don’t think I’ve RT’ed a single account more this year. Follow immediately.
5) Julieanne Smolinski
While she’s most recently made headlines for shutting down crossword puzzlemaster Will Shortz for his improper use of “Illin,” those of us following her on Twitter have known about her street cred for a while. By merging the absurd with the joyfully horrifying in each 140 character knowledge drop, she brings the uproarious laughter on a regular basis. Advantage Smolinski.
4) R.L. Stine
In 2009, Roger Ebert became the “it”-account to follow with his brutal wit and love of sharing the most informative and interesting links the internet had to offer. Professional child frightener R.L. Stine has all these qualities along with a generous dose of Monster Blood, making for a frighteningly fun account that warrant real life discussions on a regular basis. But tweeter beware, you’re in for a scare!
You know why I’ve yet to link to a single tweet in this article thus far? Because not a one could possibly compete with this. If you were a wrestling fan over the past 15 years, chances are you remember Goldust as the sexual deviant movie critic who was obsessed with gold and making fans of all ages generally uncomfortable. Well, he’s still active on the roster, but his time on the shelf over the past year saw both the release of his legitimately touching book Cross Rhodes: Goldust Out of the Darkness (a great read) as well as him becoming the absolute most entertaining professional athlete on twitter. Not afraid to give his opinions and kick “lemmules” to the curb, it’s proof sometimes all that Twitters is gold.
2) Gucci Doin Things
There was once a time when we didn’t have the technology to give us constant updates as to what rapper Gucci Mane was up to in his day-to-day life. Now, whether he’s “leaving his Genesis on for weeks at a time just to watch Sonic tap his foot” or “taking a fistful of ketchup packets although he only got a small fry” we know. There’s even touching moments, such as when “Gucci sold his CD collection to buy Waka Flocka a vaporizer, only to find Waka Flocka sold all his weed to buy Gucci a stereo.” It’s absolutely imperative you have Twitter so you can know when “Gucci Mane getting blank stares at Chipotle when he asks for GuacaFlockaMole.”
1) Dad Boner
If Tweeting has become an artform, then DadBoner is the first masterpiece. The fictional life of middle-aged Applebee’s loving middle America all-American Karl Welzein is the main reason I pull my phone out in public and shove it into acquaintances faces while demanding they “READ THIS!” More than just some funny thoughts, the way Karl’s night unfold and the stor archs of his relationships is the stuff of classic literate. It’s the smartest stupidity you’ll ever read and will most likely be remembered as the Ulysses of Twitter.
So, with it being #FollowFriday (or #FF if you speak tweep) I suggest you check all these fine Tweeps out, as well as my own bells and whistles at @ChazRaps.
So until next time…let’s agree to agree!