Subway’s Steak and Bacon Melt – Food Review

Eat Fresh...for suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaz.

A century from now, the summer of 2010 will be remembered as the Silver Age of Fast Food. Never before in one year have the major chains branched out and attempted such innovation, not only looking to reinvent the wheel but repave the road of good intentions it rolls on. From KFC’s Double Down to Burger King’s Ribs, risks were taken that saw not only legitimate critical and commercial success, but a re-entry into the mainstream spanning all demographics. We now live in a world where McDonald’s has smoothies and the King decrees fried peppers on a burger. Keeping the fast food world on their toes, Subway considered their reputation as a healthy alternative and bold declared “Nah, kill dat noize,” and tested their own weapon of mass diabetes – the Subway Steak and Bacon Melt.

Now, because of their penchant for fierce customization, it’s somewhat of a challenge to review a sandwich that’s going to be different for everybody. What everyone gets with this new sandwich is two full paper trays of shredded beef, 4-6 pieces of bacon, 4 pieces of American cheese and their new southwest Chipotle sauce. While it did exist originally as just a flatbread item in select markets in late 2008, this latest model is a full blown jam-packed sandwich with absolutely nothing healthy whatsoever. What’s arguably more absurd is not only is this dis record to your own heart of a sandwich commercially available, but Subway is promoting it as a viable breakfast sandwich as well. Being I like to make some attempt to treat my body like a temple, or at least a Presbyterian youth center, I have them top it off with sliced cucumbers.

Pictured: Flatbread version. Not Pictured: Triple bypass.

Not unlike the Double Down, there is a certain level of self-awareness within the sandwich daring you to finish it. The Chipotle Southwest sauce, while zesty and delicious, tastes like a frankenstein monster of every unhealthy liquid topping one could put on a sandwich. Remember when you were a kid at your first soda fountain and you put a little bit of everything into your glass to make your own potion that only you liked? I’m pretty sure somebody left Jared unattended for a half-hour at the Subway Corporate Offices and the Chipotle Southwest sauce is the result. I’ve had it four times over the summer (it goes great with an Arnold Palmer Lite made of Arizona Green Tea and Lemonade) and the bacon ranged from good-to-stringy. The meat was above-average for Subway, which isn’t so much a ringing endorsement as an acknowledgment that they didn’t ruin it. I recommend, as I do with all Subway sandwiches, you get it with the Italian Herbs and Cheese bread as it adds a touch of class to the depressing mess you’re shoveling down your gullet.

Subway's Jared Fogel and friends.

If that last sentence sounded like I’m putting down the sandwich, please note that that’s not my intent. Part of the fun of these 2010 Fast Food items is the meta-appeal of “I can’t believe what I’m eating.” Subway’s Steak and Bacon Melt is thick enough to do a Roy Ayers score justice, and being such a Stonehenge of meat honestly warrants the $9.00 price tag. It’s the most expensive item on the menu and also the most ridiculously filling. At a time when Quizno’s have become an endangered species and popular white-supremacist hangout Jimmy John’s has been stagnant, it’s tempting to think how much better another chain would have executed an item with such potential. As it stands, Subway’s Steak and Bacon Melt is the best new item Subway’s had since the Pizza Sub and a fitting addition to 2010’s Fast Food Forecast.

We give Subway’s Steak and Bacon Melt a Three Out of Five

So until next time…let’s agree to agree!

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