The Top Ten BET Un:Cut Videos (C.A.T.T.L.E.)
It’s hard to believe it has been only four years since the demise of the hour of programming known as BET Un:Cut. The last block of exclusively “underground” and “independent” music on a major basic cable network, its absence has left a booty-shaped hole in the hearts of Hip-Hop and female anatomy aficionados everywhere. Since RapReviews just re:uped the BET UN:CUT SYMPOSIUM PODCAST I did with Adam Bernard two years ago (FREE DOWNLOAD! A MUST HEAR! RING THE ALARM!) I’ve decided to offer a little extra credit with my countdown of the top 10 BET Un:Cut videos of all time.
Be warned, this is the first post in the history of this site I have to declare a state of NSFW in order to do the subject matter justice. Welcome to the land of a thousand asses.
10 ) Lil Jon & the East Side Boys – “Bia Bia”
The original incarnation of BET UN:CUT was to allow the more explicit major label videos that had to be toned down for prime time to air completely unedited. Back in 2001, this was among the show’s first staples. Resembling a David Fincher film, Jon conducts a carnival of urban macabre while controversially wearing a Confederate flag t-shirt. I remember this video being the topic of choice of Ms. Pfeiffer’s sixth period Spanish Class as Amy Johnson would reference it all the time.
9 ) Waxamillion – “No Panties on the Dancefloor”
Sometimes these videos speak for themselves, which is perfect for moments like this were I am at a complete loss for words.
8 ) Crazy Al Cayne – “T&A”
“T&A” is an interesting entry in the Un:Cut canon as it’s among the first fully self-aware videos that aired in the 3-4 AM time-slot. After a string of successful parodies, popular radio personality Crazy Al Cayne decided in 2004 to finally shoot a video for one of his original compositions “T&A.” I remember Cayne himself posting teaser clips of the video for several weeks before it finally aired and having the final product far exceed my seventeen-year-old expectations.
7 ) Murs f/ Shock G & Humpty Hump – “Risky Business”
The heyday of BET Un:Cut occurred simultaneously with that of the modern indie-rap movement, so it’s only natural that the two worlds finally collided. Along with the Dilla-Madlib collaboration “McNasty Filth” shocking a nation of rap-apologist “conscious” coffee house college freshmen, the most successful of all these crossovers was Murs’ “Risky Business.” While Aesop Rock’s “Easy” was the first video from independent powerhouse Definitive Jux getting regular play during the channel’s standard rap video hours, Murs teamed with the Digital Underground frontman to crash parties across all camps and campuses.
6 ) Top Secret – “Dollie”
When I say BET Un:Cut would play a rap video of ANYONE from ANYWHERE regardless of quality, I really really really meant it. Case-in-point, Top Secret’s video for “Dollie,” a tribute to breasts that looks like it was shot on scotch tape through a Game Gear. Following the success of the song, the group attached a disclaimer to the front claiming it was a comedy video. Unfortunately for these Tommy Wiseaus of rap, it’s a notice that would never air.
5 ) TIE – Joker the Bailbondsman f/ Bizzy Bone – “Uh-Huh”
Labtekwon – “Uhnnn Huhnnn”
While I find putting “ties” in Top Ten lists to be cheating most of the time, I just couldn’t justify this as the definitive Un:Cut list without including both of these videos for no other reason than that they share the same name. First, Alaska’s favorite son Joker the Bailbondsman’s follow up to his original Un:Cut classic that has the most obvious use of stock footage in music video history that was propelled by the charisma of the then almost-completely insane Bizzy Bone. This was right when music video censorship started to get extreme, so the catchiness of “money in a ziploc bag” got relegated to after hours enjoyment.
The latter, from Baltimore rapper Labtekwon is another case of local icon striking national exposure through a veritable buffet of ass.
4 ) The Team Uncut – “Time For Freakin”
At the height of my 14-year-old “I only like lyrical rappers” phase, I used to loathe this video for every reason I love it now. I remember playing some Tony Hawk Dreamcast and always pausing to scowl at the TV when I heard that “bau-ba-bau-baup” bassline kick in. Another one of the early staples, it boggles my mind to this day that something this obscenely amateur got national television time several nights a week for five years. From the “I just got this camera, check out the cool stuff I can do”-esqe cleavage zoom-in to the “check out how funny my crazy friend is” edits to the “I really mean it!” facial expressions of the artists to the “BON-GOOOOOOOOS!” there’s an insane level of so-bad-it’s-so- good-it’s-back-to-bad-again-to-back-to-good-to-great at play that in a pre-YouTube world gave us the all exactly what we needed.
3 ) Mighty Casey – “White Girls”
2 ) Black Jesus – “What That Smell Like”
Game got real. If you ever channel-surfed past an episode of Un:Cut, chances are you’ve seen both of these videos. Adam and I go super in-depth on both of these on our Free BET Un:Cut Symposium Podcast (which you should download) so I’ll just add here that when the story of humanity is written and it’s time for the next great species to write the chapter on BET Un:Cut, these will be the two videos given as shining examples of human triumph. Those two and…
1 ) Nelly – “Tip Drill”
Yes folks, chances are the reason you’re reading this right now and the absolute pinnacle of mankind’s achievements can be found at 5:37 and 5:56 when a credit card gets run through a girl’s buttcheeks. I’m sure some of you out there are deconstructing that as some sort of allegory for the Bush Administration or what Hip-Hop went through over the past decade. I don’t care. What I do care about is how at once point there was a programming block set aside to where such things could be aired on television. It was a nightly magical moment during my formative years that to-this-day shapes my perceptions of women and the world around me. Thank you Mom & Dad for bringing me into this world. Thank you BET for bringing this program into my life. Thank you God for the divine touch that made it all come together.
We give BET Un:Cut a Five out of Five.
So until next time…Let’s Agree to Agree!C.A.T.T.L.E.
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