The NEW Domino’s Pizza – Food Review
The American Alligator is known as somewhat of a living fossil as for over 200 Million Years, they’ve remained completely unchanged. While other species have had to evolve in order to survive, alligators simply didn’t need to. Their leathery texture and brackish saltiness is akin to another longstanding entity, Domino’s Pizza. However, the latter will have to bow out of this last-reptilian-standing contest 199 Million Years early as its genetic make-up (recipe) has finally changed. Yes, after 50 years of dependability, the Bob Seger of pizza is finally shaking things up and going back to the drawing board to somehow top their long-standing masterpizza. As the New Coke and The New Adventures of Captain Planet have proven, altering a beloved formula even for the better can be catastrophic in the eyes of the American people. Would this brand new pizza be the final push that makes the mighty Domino’s fall?
At first glance, the concept of Domino’s altering their time-tested breadwinner seems absurd. For fifty years it has helped them dominate an industry while being bombarded with such hardships as “30 Minutes or Less” delivery fatalities and the pillaging plunder of the Noid. One might even call tampering with the heart, soul and backbone of the company a reckless act of playing God. However, the chances the company has taken in recent years, such as the edible Pastabowls and region-based American Legend specialties-pizzas, have proven that playing with hearts can sometime lead to prosperous results. If there was ever a time for the Official Pizza of NASCAR to get a tune-up, it was now.
The marketing campaign has been nothing short of Boombastic. They’ve hit every media outlet from the ubiquitous commercials describing how, in a National taste-test, it beat competitor Papa John’s within an inch of its life, to Facebook where my friends’ name and likenesses have been splattered across my sidebar with the proclamation that they “like” it. Well, if that guy I met once at a party three years ago and had a brief conversation about that Pharcyde video with “likes” the new Domino’s, how could I not? The day after Easter I phoned my homegirl Titly who works at the Upper East Side Domino’s* and told her “I think I’m finally ready. It’s time.” as I placed my order for one large thin-crust pepperoni pizza and prepared myself to forge forward on a new frontier of flavor.
Growing up in Minnesota and having lived in New York for five years, I’ve sampled many of the finest pizzas. While many in recent memory have matched my ever-maturing more contemplative perception of the world, the new Domino’s pizza made me feel eight-years-old again. You would expect the box to include a can of Surge and a VHS of Tommy Boy for how it will flash you back to your youth. The slices are now easier to peal apart, the cheese is more robust and I detect the slightest brush of garlic allowing the pizza to also convey the finest elements of pasta and breadsticks in the same bite. Not since Big Mike replaced Willie D in the Geto Boys had I so instantly been won over by a change-up in make-up.
In the interest of making sure this wasn’t just nostalgia talking, I decided I was going to attempt the inhuman feat of eating Domino’s twice in the same week. A few days later I again called-up Titly. “Am I in trouble?” She asked. “Nay,” I replied, “I believe the new Domino’s Pizza may have lightning-in-a-bottle as an ingredient and I have to know if it will strike the same place twice!”** Only THIS time I ordered it “original.” You’re probably thinking “Why would you order anything but the thin-crust from Domino’s, especially while living in New York, the absolute epicenter of culture where fine-dining can be found around every corner including numerous outlets for a style of pizza famously named after the city itself for exactly the same price if-not cheaper?” Well, if this new recipe was going to make me rethink Domino’s, it’s only fitting to give it a bit of a challenge. Surprisingly, it tasted a lot more like the old Domino’s except the cheese was juicer*** and the crust was softer and seasoned with garlic.
Still, a slight improvement is an improvement. While the thin-crust is still the optimal choice, Domino’s has proven you don’t win a race by standing still. Instead of just adding dew-back lizards and changing the color of their previous work, there seemed to be a conscious effort here to at least attempt a better pizza. It’s proof that a multinational mega-conglomerate can not only listen to their customers, but translate their grievances into “let’s throw some garlic on it!” Today is a new day for a new Domino’s and until science engineers some sort of “Super-Noid,” it should maintain its spot at the top of the Pizza Urban Sprawl.
We give The New Domino’s Pizza a Three Out of Five
Until next time… let’s agree to agree!
*Only the best for my site.
**Possibly a paraphrase.
***I bet you didn’t think cheese could be juicy, did you? Well, Domino’s is a chain that will shock your eyelids.
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