THIS WEEK IN SPAM – “MR. POSTMAN”
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m an MC or “rapper.” Being a rapper, I do rap things such as rhyme over a beat, keep rhythm, move the crowd, cold rock a party etc. However, there are plenty of rap things I don’t do such as watch the movie Scarface every weekend, wear clothing covered with images from the movie Scarface, take a time machine to a 1998 Sam Goody location and purchase every single one of their posters from the movie Scarface, etc. These differences are slight and while they don’t define me or those that do, I bring them up
cause who I’m talkin’ about y’all, is Hip-Hop to make the point that we are aware certain practices are prevalent but some of us just don’t do them.
Case in point – internet spamming. While some are super fearful of Jay-Z’s rumored illuminati ties, non-reptilian rappers have proven time and time again that they can be just as
dangerous annoying on their own. Look at how it took a nation of nobodies to ruin MySpace. Scary, eh? While the internet is a necessary and awesome evil that we have to use in order to keep the wheels on our career-mobile rollin’, I think the blog/Facebook event with one or two reminders/email list/Twitter sequence or any combination thereof is sufficient. But even then, they should be practiced with extreme moderation. I keep two* active email addresses, one for my personal life and one for the rap world that I give out on those ‘please sign my spam list’ or ‘let’s collaborate’ opportunities. I really don’t mind when they hit the latter, as that’s the reason I set-up that account, but believe my surprise when THIS ended up in the former. NOTE: This is a complete copy-pasta exactly how it appeared in my electronic mail box:
Rai Knight – Mr. Postman – (feat. Oseeola)
In our lives, there are times, where what we want to say are just to hard to say. Mostly, we find those times when we are deeply in love and fear that are sentiments are not shared, sometimes it is much easier to put it on paper! Soldiers overseas, their spouses, in many cases, can only communicate via letter and with love there are never enough words to say how you truly feel, but to say some
thing is better than saying nothing.
In “Mr. Postman” Rai Knight and Oseeola take the opportunity to thank whatever medium which allows itself to be the carrier of “I love you”; facebook, twitter, or mail. The story is simple, sometimes we just all to need to know how much we are cared for. Simply, just say it!
Wow. My initial reaction was along the lines of “how the H*ll did this get sent out to presumably thousands of emails, most likely from a paid email blast company, without some semblance of a spell check?” I closed the email, took a shower, played some Rock Band, microwaved some leftover Taco Bell** and couldn’t shake that text out of my head. As someone who reads dozen of press releases a day and writes tens of them a year, how on Urth did that get green-lit?
Eventually my curiosity got the better of me and I began googling every person in the email, each name pointed back to the same “release” until I stumbled on the first site that featured it right here:
What the H*ll is this? The fluxuating-minimalist production, absurd stream-of-conscious lyrics (“I would be your Huckleberry / I would be your Merrie Melody too”) and genuine weirdness is only emphasized by how professional it sounds. I can’t tell if I like the song or not, but it is an oddly effective snapshot of modern internet-based flirtation. The “PS” at the end of the second verse gives the whole song a weird full-circle vibe, as if it’s the Bratz doll b-side to the spectacular Google Super Bowl ad.
It took six listens for me to realize how much more effective and memorable this atrocious press release was than a forgettable passable one. I’ve given this song that I can’t even determine my opinion on (that is starting to grow on me) from someone I’ve never heard before a much more intent listen than anything else in quite some time. Rai Knight, I raise my glass to you. Thank you for giving me a lemon that I’ve turned into a Tim O’Brien Lemon Tree.
We give this SPAM a Five Out of Five
Until next time…Let’s Agree to Agree!
*RE: OK, five. I have five email accounts. You happy?
**When I refer to “livin’ the life,” I usually mean this.
Tags: Al Pacino, comedy, common sense, funny, internet, Matthew Barney sucks, Mr. Postmann, Post Office, post-modern, Postal Service, Primal Rage, Rai Knight, Scarface, SPAM, Stamp, Taco Bell, Tay Zonday, Things Rappers Do, TIm O'Brien, Vietnam WarYou can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.