CHAZ’S TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2009! (C.A.T.T.L.E.)

Chaz’s Arbitrary Top Ten List Extravaganza continues!

FUN FACT: I have a degree in Cinema Studies. A BA. I am a Bachelor of the Arts. This means A) My opinion on movies ranges from 10x-1,000x that of mere mortals and B) Any and Every movie theater across the country is my swingin’ Bachelor Pad. That makes the ten best movies I saw last year the then best parties* I attended. What makes these great movies? Well, they were the best experiences I had watching them. Therefore, with the power of New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts vested in me, I give you my ten favorite movies of 2009!

This is for you, Movies!

10) The Messenger
– I already covered this movie here, but would like to add an ‘RIP Howard Zinn’ sentiment to the context.

9) Black Dynamite
– I grew up on Blaxploitation flix with an undying love and respect for them that extended into me writing one of my two thesis on black horror films**. Michael Jai White must share the same passion because this film stands one of the best genre-tributes I’ve ever seen. Getting every nuance down to science with enough original energy to save it from being a needless retread makes the slightly overboard conclusion forgivable.

8 ) Tyson
– It should have hit documentarians sooner that the best way to capture the triumph and psychosis of the one-time ‘Baddest Man on the Planet’ would be through his own words. A tragic figure who deflects any sympathy thrown his way, it stands the man’s definitive document. An athlete like Tyson doesn’t come along once in a lifetime, he only comes once.

7) Big Fan
– I waxed poetic on the best film ever made about Staten Island here, but let it be known you can stream this gem right NOW on NetFlix! Excelsior!

6) Inglorious Bastards
– DID YOU KNOW that Director Quentin Tarantino doesn’t care what I or anyone else has to say about his movies because he’s going to keep doing what he wants to do with no regard for anyone else anyway? It’s his greatest strength and his greatest weakness, making this film the best sex-less nudity-less period piece porno film ever made.

Better Movies!

5) Up
– The only person in the whole world who doesn’t like Pixar’s films is Michael Jordan, but I feel that I can mathematically prove that Up is not only one of the year’s best films, but also better than Space Jam. A monumental achievement for both 3D and animated cinema, it’s their first to deal with death and show blood yet develops into one of their most entertaining adventures.

4) Girls on the Wall
– I’ve gone on about it here but the highlight of my CMJ experience this year needs to be reiterated. Director Heather Ross got everything right in an unforgettable documentary about girls in a juvenile detention center putting on a musical that will never leave you.

3) Avatar
-Ohhhh you mad, doggie? If you miss out on this amazing theatrical experience, you are a sucka. Forget Old Dogs, Avatar is the cat’s meow and that ain’t ‘lion!’ Also, quick reminder, it’s not racist.

2) Bad Lieutenant: Port of New Orleans
– Nicolas Cage hasn’t been a “bad actor” all these years, he’s just been acting in the wrong film. Werner Herzog harnessed his Leaving Las Vegas magic and mounted it alongside his Ghost Rider sensibilities to deliver the most abundant parade of ‘What the H*** am I watching” on the big screen in quite some time. To call it a ‘Roller-coaster Ride’ would be misleading as it has enough twists, turns and candy to be designated its own theme-park. The inspired dream casting of Cage, Eva Mendez, Val Kilmer and ‘Mr. X-to-the-Z’ Xzibit makes this one for the record books.

Wesley Willis, (rock) star of "Joyrides."

1) Joyrides
– Yes I’m a huge Wesley Willis fan, but that doesn’t make me bias. Quite the opposite as I care so much about the subject matter, to even slightly malign or exploit it immediately registers it on my federal ‘do-not-call’ list. That being said, Joyrides is a ridiculously thorough obscenely researched feat of documentary film-making. It perfetly captures the late Wesley Willis’ essences, and the harmony joyride it brought out of me as a viewer was second only to meeting the man himself. I love watching a movie and having such a good time that I don’t want it to end. This is one of those movies.

What’s that? Why no, I didn’t see The Hurt Locker. Yes, I plan to, but that movie had its first screenings in 2008. Therefore: DISQUALIFIED! GAME OVER! CHAZ WINS! FATALITY!

Until next time let’s agree to agree!

*The ones I wish I’d taped of the awfully crazy variety.

**AKA ‘Urban Horror Films’ if you’re a jive-turkey milkhead caucazoid.

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5 Comments on “CHAZ’S TOP TEN MOVIES OF 2009! (C.A.T.T.L.E.)”

  1. brokemc Says:

    Adding ‘Bad Leutenant’ to netflix que… NOW.

  2. alienjeff3 Says:

    cool list, man. check out the original Bad Lt. some time if you haven’t already.
    (ryan from virgin, btw)

  3. Haskel Says:

    Awesome list. Totally loved Joyrides myself. Also dug Tyson, Up, and Avatar.

    Rock on, homey.


  4. I love Wesley Willis to death. I haven’t seen that movie, but I really want to.

    Hey, check out my blog.

    http://theclamscasino.wordpress.com/

    We could exchange links if you’re interested.


  5. Damn, I am a big loser, or as my old girlfriend used to call me, “a big looser”, as I have not seen any of those movies.
    I do however agree with you that Wesley Willis was amazing.


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